I don’t usually read Page 6, but I found this link on one of my favorite blogs, that I actually do read.  Apparently, Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen are bumping uglies – in every sense of the word, because I don’t believe there’s a good looking part between the two.

Could someone please explain how this works, and better yet, why it works?  Because, for the life of me, I can’t understand why this would ever happen.  This monstrosity falls squarely on the shoulders of Lance Armstrong.  I mean, he’s Lance Fucking Armstrong, Lance, “I beat cancer, and with one testicle won seven Tour de France-s in a row” Armstrong, he has his own cancer cure money raising armband for fuck’s sake.  And now, he’s busy getting dirty with an [anorexic] crack whore.

Really, how does this conversation go?  “Hey, I loved you in Full House, I was finishing up high school at the time.”  And then, they go into the bedroom, and he gives her the five digit finger blast?  What is going on here.  Surely she’s dirty in the bedroom, seeing as how she’s dirty everywhere else.  Maybe the other sister gets involved, I don’t know.  And maybe with one testicle, Lance just doesn’t care anymore.

Whatever the case is, why is he doing this?  He needs a younger girl?  Okay, it can’t be that difficult for a millionaire and world renown name to go out and get some 21 year old to take home with him.  Sure, she may or may not have an STD, but the same can be said about either of the Olsen twins.

If I had my choice of what Full House girl to sleep with, Olsen-squared wouldn’t be at the top of my list.  It would go: Jodi Sweetin, Candace Cameron Bure, Andrea Barber, and then my hand.  I would not touch those disease carrying whores with a 10 foot pole.

Who knew that out of all of them, Andrea Barber would have the most normal life? I heard Jodi Sweetin had a meth addiction, and well, we all know about the Olsen twins.  I guess nothing horrible has come out about Candace Cameron Bure, so kudos, maybe she has the most normal life.

I’m so bored, that this is the second post in a day.  I’m pretty sure this is the first time that this is ever happened.  So, enjoy it while it lasts.  Like fleeting freedom in a corporate world.

Having a hard time concentrating today because the rancid smell of cigarette smoke is really getting to me.  I really think it has singed my nose hairs and made its way up to turning my brain into mush.  This guy next to me  smokes so much, it’s a wonder that he isn’t dead – but he’s got the shakes, so he’s probably on his way.  No joke, his chair stinks of smoke so bad that I almost threw up once.

There’s a reason some employers now a days don’t even hire people that smoke.  Maybe it has to do with the enormous amount of smoke breaks that result in an incredible amount of time away from doing any work.  Yeah, I’m one to talk – I’m writing a blog during the same time.  Sadly though, he isn’t doing anything more productive when he’s not smoking, because he just reads the news.

He makes me sick, both in a figurative and a physical way.

Another fire drill today.  Good times.  I’m sitting here, minding my business as usual, reading up on the news of the day, when the most annoying siren comes over the PA.  I guess it’s good that way, because you want to get the fuck out so your ears don’t bleed.  Fire drills keep you safe, bla bla bla.

I guess it’s a good idea, I mean no one wants to pull a Costanza and panic during a fire, pushing women and children out of the way.  Or, in this case, fat disgusting slobs, and cripples.  But at the same time, we’re all adults here, we’ve been through this many times in the levels of schooling.  If by now you don’t know to get to the nearest stairwell and remain calm, well you should probably be burned alive.  Newsflash: don’t take the elevators.  But really, fire hurts.

Where’s this going?  Well, while the thought is really nice, the implementation of such an alarm has gone horribly wrong.  You see, the whole idea of practicing something like this is to get into some kind of organized group at the end in a parking lot, or safe harbor of some sort.  That way, smaller groups would know who’s missing and where, and that way give the fire fighters a leg up into possibly saving them – if they deserve to be saved.  What do we do?  Get out in the parking lot and stand randomly in random groups wherever the hell we want.  Some people could go home, or to lunch, or what have you.  This is a perfect system.

Today is an extremely boring day, and through no fault of my own.  I’m trying – no really – to find work to do.  I even went up to my supervisor and told her I have bandwidth for more work  She shrugged and said “OK!”

I didn’t write about this the first time I saw it because I thought it was just an aberration.  Or more accurately, it could be considered an abortion of common sense.  Either way, whatever it was, I thought it would never happen again, because, why?  Let me start from the beginning.

I’m sitting at work about a week ago, and I see a woman dressed in what can only be described as a lapse in judgement, or blindness: Canadian Tuxedo.  She most clearly was wearing a jean jacket (very short by the way) and a pair of jeans, into which her enormous ass barely had room to fit into.  She was smiling and happy all day, and I can’t understand why, since she’s wearing all denim.  So, let’s hope she hadn’t taken her pills that day.

Move ahead to today.  One would think seeing a person in said Canadian tuxedo would be enough to deter one from wearing it at all.  It only encourages them.  Today, a man that looks like he should either be fixing my plumbing, or molesting a kid is wearing it.  Although to be fair, it actually makes him look less malevolent.  I mean, who’s afraid of anyone that wears jeans head to toe.

So there it is, your new epidemic.  I’m not a stylish person myself, but the line has to be drawn.  Who looks in the mirror after putting that ridiculous getup and says, “Yeah, this is how I want to be seen today.”  Besides, jean jackets aren’t even all that comfortable or warm.

Rowling has just recently revealed that Dumbledore is gay.  Sure, I’ve heard the name before, but I don’t know anything about the character because I don’t read the books.  Apparently he’s a well respected all-knowing gray bearded wizard.

Here’s my question: Who the hell cares?  I’m not sure why Rowling did this, and more importantly why this is even news.  Did Dumbledore create world peace, did he do anything besides be a fictional character?  I’m really lost as to why this created such a stir, both positive and negative as it was a real person.

“Jo Rowling calling any Harry Potter character gay would make wonderful strides in tolerance toward homosexuality,” Melissa Anelli, Webmaster of the fan site http://www.the-leaky-cauldron.org, told The Associated Press. “By dubbing someone so respected, so talented and so kind, as someone who just happens to be also homosexual, she’s reinforcing the idea that a person’s gayness is not something of which they should be ashamed.”

” ‘DUMBLEDORE IS GAY’ is quite a headline to stumble upon on a Friday evening, and it’s certainly not what I expected,” added Potter fan Patrick Ross, of Rutherford, New Jersey. “(But) a gay character in the most popular series in the world is a big step for Jo Rowling and for gay rights.”

Umm, what?  This is serious, right?  Apparently the gay community is supposed to use a fictional character to champion their cause for equality?  Maybe I’m missing something, but if I’m gay, I don’t want this to be something I hang my hat on.  “Oh wait, look, Dumbledore was gay and he was well respected.”   How would this have any effect on whether gays are perceived any differently.  There are plenty of gay people in big important rules that are much better role models, and speakers for something like this, rather than a made up book character.

It may sound like I’m anti-gay.  I’m not.  I’m completely indifferent to whether a person is gay, and thus was completely oblivious to when I read this headline.  The only thing that bothered me, was that it’s a headline in the first place.  Is Rowling trying to create controversy?  Is she trying to further equality?  I don’t know.  I don’t care.  It’s a book about sorcerers and flying brooms.  I’m not sure anyone should take anything away from it, except enjoyment if they like that sort of thing.

I am, quite possibly, the dumbest man on the face of the Earth.  No, don’t interrupt, let me tell you what happened.

Last night, before I went to bed, I went to take my dog out.  It wasn’t that cold out, but it had recently rained, and I was wearing a tshirt and shorts.  Floppy sandals kept my feet clean from the black wet asphalt, as it had just apparently rained.  Alls well, she goes, and we go back to the house.  What could go wrong.

I decide, the smart thing to do is run wind sprints with her, to see if I can outrun her.  I can’t.   She’s on a leash anyways, so it’s fun to sort of keep up, but she’s really lightning quick.  Best of all, I’m doing this on black, wet asphalt in sandals, at nearly 11 at night.  She, by the way, is a dark brown color.  So, we start going – we’ve done this before many a time.  She slows down right in front of me for reasons unknown, and I don’t see her.  I trip over her, go sideways in the air, land on my back and do a flippety do on the road.  Besides having my back all wet and being shaken up, I think it’s nothing.

I get back in the house, and I have road burns all over my body.  On my side, but most importantly, and painfully on my elbows and ankles.  Burns like the dickens.  I can’t take a warm shower because it stings.  My palms are all beat up.  Luckily, I’m wearing a long sleeve short today, because otherwise, I look like a 10 year old who face planted on the sidewalk.

Don’t worry, my beautiful face is okay.  Thanks for asking.

Well, it’s official. As if I didn’t know it before, I’m going straight to hell. No connecting flight here, I’m getting a straight shot.

I’m sitting at work, doing nothing as usual when I hear a congregation of other people doing nothing over the cubicle wall. Because, I really don’t want to see what’s going on, I don’t stand up, just keep on typing away and look busy. I hear this guy talking, and talking, and talking it’s just getting so annoying.

The worst part is, he sounds drunk.

He’s slurring his words, he can’t speak right. He either sounds like he just downed an entire 6 pack in 5 minutes, or someone punched him in the face. As it turns out, someone punched him in the face. And that “someone” happens to be the pavement.

As I listen closely I realize he’s talking about an accident he was just in. And I lean over and look to the side of my cubicle, and he’s in a wheel chair.

Well that’s great, I was just about to throw a phone book at an old man in a wheel chair, who just walked away from a car accident.

I got my tickets booked.

Yeah, so here’s another story “Today” covered this morning. Really, I hate that name, couldn’t they just be even less original and call it, “This Morning” or something? It makes no sense to call a morning show “Today”.

Sexual harassment in the workplace is bad, bla bla bla, I’m not going to regurgitate all the legal mumbo jumbo. They were only talking about it for a little bit, but they failed to mention a couple of really important things, pertaining to why it’s such a problem.

First of all, it’s a problem because the definition of sexual harassment is so vague in general. A case can go to court under the same circumstances and be ruled completely different ways. Granted, this also has to do with the fact that in itself, harassment is in itself vague and personal in each case. That being said, it’s very hard to nail something down when it’s all about “feelings.”

Secondly, and why this wasn’t mentioned I have not a clue, how about the overuse of sexual harassment litigation in this country? It seems, once the law really came out, it was hunting season for [mostly] women that wanted to take advantage of it. And, like the boy who cried wolf, sexual harassment cases now go through an initial step of truthfulness.

It is a real issue, I wouldn’t want to diminish it to the idea that it’s not, but that’s not the real crime in the workplace, where incompetence is rampant.

I don’t have cable in my new apartment yet (I just moved) so I have to depend on locally available channels. I haven’t done that in a while, and it’s really painful, especially since I’m a huge sports nut. Not that I’m any good at them, but I sure as hell love reading, writing, watching, and pretty much doing any other activity that involves sports. Not having ESPN is killing me.

But, I digress.

Local channels have shitty programming, and I had to watch “Today” this morning on NBC. Lucky for me, they decided to run interesting stories this time, and one really caught my fancy. Apparently, men are happier than women. They had a minute or so discussion on it on TV, but the article expands on it so much more. I really love this topic.

As a man, I must say, that I’ve completely embraced the role of idiot-neanderthal. I watch sports, I smell funny, and I scratch myself often. I can’t do anything for myself, like make food, or even take care of daily things, and thus don’t have to do it. Men are smarter than women give them credit for, because we’ve stopped doing things that aren’t fun, and moved on to things that are fun. Seems like a pretty easy transition to me. Hey, I don’t like working on the weekends. Great, I have a solution, I just won’t do it. It’s so simple!

Women have fought for equality, and now they pretty much have it (barring sexual harassment and all that jazz). But, it clearly came with a price. While they were so happy in that Lucy-Mary-Tyler-Moore kind of way to be homemakers, they wanted more, they wanted to be the bread maker. And, now they are. How’s it feel girls? It sucks, doesn’t it?

If I were to be married, and my wife made enough money that I wouldn’t have to work (and we’d live comfortable) I wouldn’t work at all. I would spend my time being the trophy husband that I’ve always dreamed of being. Sign me up for a Sugar Mama!

As you see, we’ve made a couple of wholesale changes around here. First of all, we have a new home, I’ve always wanted to try WordPress, and now I have the chance to do so. That’s not even the major change, oh no.

As you also may have noticed, I haven’t written in a while. This is due to the fact that I’m extremely lazy, and work only gives me dial up access – thus making my bitching about work that much more difficult. Maybe they caught on? So, what am I doing? Krymerica is re-branding, just like all the big company. It’s the sexy thing to do!

Besides work being extremely boring, slow, and repetitive I haven’t written anything else on here. Well, I’d like to extend this to not only include my boring work life, but also to include my boring personal life. Not like I didn’t warn you.

Maybe some social commentary here and there, and exciting story or two. Or… one. Either way, the transformation is almost complete. And now that I feel like I’m more dedicated I won’t let work get in the way of my posting.

Huzzah.