I am, quite possibly, the dumbest man on the face of the Earth. No, don’t interrupt, let me tell you what happened.
Last night, before I went to bed, I went to take my dog out. It wasn’t that cold out, but it had recently rained, and I was wearing a tshirt and shorts. Floppy sandals kept my feet clean from the black wet asphalt, as it had just apparently rained. Alls well, she goes, and we go back to the house. What could go wrong.
I decide, the smart thing to do is run wind sprints with her, to see if I can outrun her. I can’t. She’s on a leash anyways, so it’s fun to sort of keep up, but she’s really lightning quick. Best of all, I’m doing this on black, wet asphalt in sandals, at nearly 11 at night. She, by the way, is a dark brown color. So, we start going – we’ve done this before many a time. She slows down right in front of me for reasons unknown, and I don’t see her. I trip over her, go sideways in the air, land on my back and do a flippety do on the road. Besides having my back all wet and being shaken up, I think it’s nothing.
I get back in the house, and I have road burns all over my body. On my side, but most importantly, and painfully on my elbows and ankles. Burns like the dickens. I can’t take a warm shower because it stings. My palms are all beat up. Luckily, I’m wearing a long sleeve short today, because otherwise, I look like a 10 year old who face planted on the sidewalk.
Don’t worry, my beautiful face is okay. Thanks for asking.
